I was still awake at 2:00 this morning. This isn't TOTALLY out of character for me...but usually it's because I've been sucked into a show about Joan Crawford or some such silliness on Investigative Discovery.
No...today's reason for my insomnia was anxiety. Just as I was about to drift off to wonderful sleep, this thought hit me like a bolt of lightning.
"I'M GOING TO AFRICA! WHY am I going to AFRICA?!!? I'm leaving my sweet babies and my wonderful husband and my comfortable bed and my shower...FOR WHAT?? What if I don't come home? What's WRONG with me??? What have I done?" I was actually kind of panicking. I even woke up poor Jason and said "WHY AM I GOING TO AFRICA??" His groggy (I'm really not entirely sure he was even awake) response was "You tell me..." Gee, thanks! That didn't help!
Before calling Jeremy at 2am to tell him I'm bailing, I took a deep breath and told myself "Stop it. Think about what you KNOW...not how you FEEL." It took me a few minutes to get past the part that I KNOW I'm going to miss my family, that I KNOW this might be a tad bit crazy and I KNOW there will be danger involved.
But after that, I also KNOW that I have given my life over to Someone Who knows much much more than I do. Someone Who is in complete and total control. Someone Who KNOWS my fears and my anxiety and whispers "Trust me...I'm with you.". And for whatever reason, this Someone has me on a path to Africa.
So here we go.
3 comments:
Right before we went to Haiti, about this same distance of time as you will be going to Africa, some folks in our church who had been to Haiti came to us with eyes as big as saucers and BEGGED us to NOT take you and Kelly. They said the conditions there were horrible and you two would probably die. Literally, they SAID that.
I started questioning our decision to take you. But we were going for three months, and I thought that was WAY too long to be separated from our babies.
Just then, in my regular devotions, I found a verse in Isaiah that said "You shall be like a well watered garden in a dry and scorched land."
Peace descended.
And you know what a wonderful experience Haiti was for all of us.
Listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit - - - you may have to shut out the screams of the enemy in order to hear them - - - but seek His Whispers.
Mom-
Thank you so much for this. I might print it and keep it in my prayer journal. It's exactly the encouragement I need!!!
When I wrote this post, I knew that I eventually fell asleep singing a song but I couldn't remember what the song was...now I remember:
Glory to God
Glory to God
Glory to God forever!
Glory to God
Glory to God
Glory to God forever!
Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours!
Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours!
Oh...and another thing...of course Satan didn't want me going to Haiti, because Haiti is where my heart for missions began.
You are awesome, Keri, as the word was really used before being diluted into a common expression. I hope you'll continue to write along your inspirational journey.
Good things always.
Ben
http://kissthecook-ben.blogspot.com/
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