As a lot of you know, things are very tight for us. We are on one income and that means lots of sacrifices (all WELL worth it) and lots of sleepless nights (on my part, you'll see what I mean in a minute). We have been making a lot of changes lately, we traded our stylish "cool" ride for a practical mini van, saving us $100/month on the loan payment, $50 every 6 mo on the insurance, and who knows how much it will save on gas mileage. We have also been approved to refinance our mortgage, giving us some cash to pay off bills and do some much needed home improvements, as well as lowering our monthly payments.
Some of you may find this to sound silly, but this is all God's hand at work. These recent changes have come after many months of worry, worry, and more worry. I've had to ask some hard questions. Like "How do I know if I'm doing what God wants?" or "Does God want me to go back to work?" and "What if I'm not even anywhere close to where God wants me to be right now?". I spent SO MANY nights tossing and turning, worrying and fretting, then after who knows how many hours, I would finally fall asleep while begging God to please take these burdens from me and give me peace. Last night was one of these nights. I was tossing and turning, worrying about "WHAT IF" we don't get approved to refinance, and "WHAT IF" we do get approved but the interest rate is sky high and we make a wrong decision, "WHAT IF" I have to go back to work and I have to start missing out on my life with MJ. Then I got frustrated with Jason. How dare he lay over there soundly snoring away while I'm tossing and turning and wondering and worrying and definitely NOT sleeping?? So, I woke him up. And I asked him "How can you sleep over there so soundly like we have not a care in the world? Aren't you worried about all these things? Aren't you scared? HOW CAN YOU SLEEP??" And he said, just as simple as can be "I don't worry about this stuff". Of course this just frustrates me more and I say "Yes, I know you don't, you let me do all the worrying while you SLEEP!" And he said "No, I gave this stuff to God and I'm trusting Him to handle it." I laid back on my pillow and pondered how in the world this man who is a fairly new Christian so easily and simply has grasped onto the concept of walking by faith when I have been trying so hard to learn this my entire life.
It dawned on me today that without these hard times, without these troubles, without these worries...would I have ever asked the hard questions? Would I have needed to seek God like I have? It's His hand at work. There is a reason for everything, I firmly believe this. And I'm sure there are reasons to what goes on in my life that will NEVER become clear to me. But what is clear to me is that HE IS IN CONTROL. I can worry and stew and fret every single night but what does that solve? Absolutely nothing. Am I saying that I will never do that again? No, I'm not. Walking by faith takes PRACTICE, same as a toddler learning to walk. I am learning every single day how to give up my worrying and fretting and HAND IT OVER TO HIM.
If you're saying your prayers and my name pops into your head...please ask God to continue to show me how to walk by faith and how to give it all up and hand it over.
11 comments:
Very well done blog entry, Keri!!!
:-)
Did you ever go check out Kayla's Uncle's blog? His last three or four devotionals that he's posted on there were really good and spoke to just this kind of thing, I think you'd find them very encouraging.
awe that is amazing! all the decisions you guys have made i'm sure have been hard but well worth it! I loved reading your blog and we will definately keep u guys in our prayers! LOVE u
Excellent testimony, Keri. Thanks for sharing.
man i love you :)
WOW Keri, God is working in your life! It was written all over this post. The awesome thing is that you are seeing it too!
I used to do the same thing, lay in bed and worry until I exhausted myself, I'd even hear Burke say the same thing your hubby said to you. It seems so hard at times to just let go of it but once you do it gives you some incredible peace! God's not going to leave you...He will show you which way to go...it will just all work out in its own perfect timing.
Thank you for sharing your heart. What a good reminder for us all!!
Great post Fellow Freak! I'll be praying for you and your family!
Keri,
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have spent many sleepless nights while Phil is snoring away. Over the past couple of years, I have learned to walk by faith more and more. God has continually provided for us---even when we didn't know how or when He was going to do it. I have discovered that I can trust Him for my complete life---finances, family, health---everything. But it is not always easy. Walking by faith is an adventure and I want to encourage you to keep walking! Thanks for being transparent/real to all of us in blog world. Love ya!
Keri
I always read your post when you send them and very seldom ever comment since it's mostly family. But today I am here to say AMEN SISTA! You know that I am not the typical christan. I belive, I read, I try to follow (maybe not as much as I should) but I too have these same issues. I finally laid in bed one night listening to Dan's ongoing stran of snores just worrying myself over these types of issues. And that night I really thought about a single phase I had heard many times and that was "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it" So I asked God to do just that, to help walk me through it. And you know we still have tight weeks and there are still some sleepless hours but for the most part things are good. So I just recite that phrase to myself and know he is there!
Bless you and
I miss you!
Kari
Sometimes I think we forget how simple God makes it for us. We worry and worry and forget to just let go and let God. I am a worrier. I have to remind myself every so often to just let go and let God take care of it. Sure is easier that way. I think sometimes too easy. Great entry Keri and you have a great faith.
yackiesue
Keri, I do remember to pray for you. Here's why.
There is a young couple at church who usually sits a few rows ahead of me on Sunday mornings. They have a Mackinley look alike. Usually, the dad has to take him out to the nursery about half-way through the service. They remind me of your family, and then I also remember to ask God to bless you and yours.
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