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Friday, June 08, 2012

a thief in the night

This post gives perfect meaning to my label "random ramblings". 
It is truly random rambling...I have all these thoughts jumbled up in my head and I just need to get them out. 
I'm sorry it's not a literary masterpiece, but let's be honest....that's ok! 

Nine more days. But who's counting??
Oh yeah...I am!
The pre-trip jitters have set in.
I'm (mostly) perfectly fine during the day, running over my list in my mind, mentally checking things off.
Trusting God to provide and go before me.


If something wakes me up prematurely - a child, my bladder, birds, the sun - suddenly I am grasping
for that trust in God, that peace that comes only from Him.
Why is it so hard to find in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning?
You know, that time when you're supposed to sleeping...when you want desperately to be sleeping...
but the mind just won't stop, won't shut off.
Worries and fears followed by self-rebuking:
"Stop that! Trust in the Lord with ALL YOUR HEART!"
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you, give you hope and a future,
NOT to harm you. So knock it off, Keri Baker!"
But again...there's something about those hours when sleep has been snatched away,
something that makes it hard to be realistic, difficult to find logic,
even almost impossible to cling to faith.

I have no choice but to think of that night so long and far away ago in Rakai, Uganda (paragraph 2).
Then it comes...faintly at first but it grows...faith. Hope. Trust.
"Lord, please let me sleep. Please take these worries and fears and doubts. You have never failed.
You always provide. You are always here, no matter what I'm feeling. Please, let me sleep. Take these
worries and fears and doubts." Like a broken record.
On repeat.
The next thing I know, I'm waking to the sound of giggling children and bright
this-is-when-to-wake-up sunshine, and Jason.

I'm jealous for your prayers. Not just for me, also for my team. And our families.
And the broken women we will be meeting.
For them to find Jesus and His amazing love!
So they will know and believe they are treasured, precious and beautiful.

Nine more days!


Danavee said...

So beautifully written.


Anonymous said...

Well done Kerri...I learned a little something this week...The answer to people's cry, "Where is God", is us. We are the miracle He sent to help and teach the world. Well done Kerri, not because you are a completely selfless, wonderful, amazing, sinless human being. Not because you could ever do anything to save anyone. Well done because God spoke and you listened. He spoke and you reacted. Well done.

Keetha Broyles said...

Oh my goodness, who is Anonymous and why don't they want to claim their amazing words? I couldn't have said it any better.

Please check "the kids being taken care of" off your list of worries. Papoo and I aren't the least bit worried - - - we'll have a GREAT time with them.

Unless of course what you're WORRIED about is that the kids will return home a tad spoiled, then I guess you may have to keep worrying. ;-)

Love you!

Alyx said...

All I can say to this is that everything will work out, and you will have an amazing experience that will not only change YOUR life, but the lives of countless other people.