Africa Wins

Taken from my prayer journal:

"12/11/10

Things I learned in Africa:

-You are everywhere
-I eat too much
-I sleep too much
-You are using FCI for great things
-Live in the moment
-Look for You in every situation
-I love America
-I love my house
-Africa doesn't need "fixed" (I didn't hear one African say they want to leave their current home)
-Sponsorship is vital
-I need to let go - always
-You bring hope - hupomone
-I love chicken with hormones
-I am content
-I have too many clothes
-America is clean and smells good
-Africans are gorgeous
-I don't like papaya or jackfruit
-Africans give their all - like the widow in the bible and her coins
-I still have much pride
-I love hippos and elephants
-I'm right where You want me
-I need Jason
-I love my life
-My life is Yours
-Clocks are optional"

Coming home has not been what I thought it would be. Before leaving American soil...before even signing up to go to Africa, I read "Crazy Love" and "The Hole in Our Gospel". These books changed my perspective and the way I spent money, prayed and lived my life. So before going to Africa, I was rather anxious about how I would behave when I returned home. I was already wanting to sell our house and move in to a trailer...would I want to live in a cardboard box?? Would I try to force these ideals and impressions on Jason and if he didn't agree...would I believe myself to be more "righteous" than he is and in turn would our marriage suffer?

Night number 2 in Africa as I lay in a bunk bed under a mosquito net I started to sob. I missed Jason. I missed him so much it hurt. I missed my kids. What the heck was I thinking coming halfway across the world?! This place doesn't have electricity, it doesn't have running water, I'm stuck in this cubby hole of a room all by myself and there isn't a sound...not a cricket, not a fly, nothing. And I need to pee. But that means untucking the mosquito net, putting on my flip flops, making my way through the dark to the toilet, hoping not to wake my fellow team mates...what kind of bugs will I step on?! I started to feel panicked. Not because I had to pee, but because I was WAY outside my comfort zone. I wanted home. Then I heard a whisper in my heart "Keri, I'm here. Talk to Me." So I did. Through my tears I told Jesus all about my discomfort and the shame that feeling that discomfort was giving me. I begged Him to wrap His arms around me and help me. Help me get through these next 9 days. "Help me see what YOU want me to see."

I'm still processing Africa. I might be for the rest of my life. But there are things I know. I know that no matter what I'm doing, where I am, how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, Jesus is right there with me. When all else is gone, when there's no comfort, HE IS THERE. He is my comfort. And He's not calling me to sell my house and live in a trailer...if He were, Jason would be feeling the same calling. He DOES want me to keep working for FCI. He is doing AMAZING things through FCI. Amazing. I saw it with my own eyes. Lives literally being pulled up out of the dirt and mire and given hope, a future, a smile.

He is the orphan's comfort. Something that struck me about Uganda is how open the people are about their faith. Far more open than we are. We would be in a gas station or a little shop or the hotel and Ugandans would say "Do you love Jesus as much as I do!?". What would happen if I said that to a random person in a gas station here in America? Jesus has filled Africa with hope. I have a lot to learn from those wonderful people about faith, hope, love and giving.

We visited this tiny village out in the middle of no where. Literally. The people of that village made a meal for us. They prepared everything they had. They literally gave us EVERYTHING THEY HAD. I am positive they do not eat that way every day...maybe not even once a month...and they gave it ALL to us. To Jesus. I don't live like that but I'm supposed to.

The Bible came alive for me in Africa. Everywhere we went, everything we saw, smelled, tasted...it all brought scripture to life. Walking through the slums having people come up to us begging for prayer, it reminded me of what it must have been like to be one of the 12. A thief being beaten and paraded through the slums to the police department made eye contact with me and I saw Jesus in his eyes. Countless times I remember thinking "these are the people who will have mansions in Heaven. How foolish, prideful and ridiculous I have been, thinking it would be ME."

What now?